(U-WIRE) – America needs your help. As a rule, everything is bigger in Texas, and by correlation, everything is bigger in America. However, this is no longer the case in joblessness. And apparently, it has not been the case for awhile.
According to bbcnews.com, the joblessness rate of nations using the euro is currently at 7.3 percent, down from 7.4 percent previously. According to bls.gov, the website of the U.S. Department of Labor, the joblessness rate of the United States is at a paltry 4.5 percent. This cannot stand.
The United States cannot and hopefully will not allow this to continue. We are the biggest, and therefore must have the biggest unemployment rate. Our great country should never have a lower unemployment rate than France. We are stronger and faster. We make our fries freely, not pansy-like. Not very many people understand the possible implications of “low” unemployment rate.
Sure, it’s nice that we have a great employment rate, but who cares. There are plenty of incompetent people who should not be employed. And that’s a fact.
Remember that bag boy (or bag girl) who puts cans and bread in the same bag? Fired. Your lecturer who doesn’t speak coherent English? Finished. The flight attendant who looks you in the eye during your first-class flight? Sent back turning tricks on the street. There is a rising problem in this country, which is, while growth, not good growth.
All customer-service representatives for all your little gadgets, on the other hand, are exempt; we’ll just call them the “untouchables.”
And you, dear reader, you should be very aware of incompetence all around you. It is up to you to do your part and get rid of every American worker you can. Whether you perform this act by massive layoffs or just plain old sexual harassment is up to you. As stated previously, America needs your help.
And we’re all on the honor code here. So if you’re really slacking on your job, you’re hurting America. Sure, the economy looks good right now when the employment rate is high, but what happens in a couple years when your bread is smashed, you still don’t understand that class you took and those flight attendants don’t refill your Shirley Temple on time?
Fire yourselves, you lazy asses. And go on welfare afterward – it’s your right as an American. But then give the money to someone else who does a good job when you receive the first welfare check; you don’t deserve it.
If I really could, I wouldn’t even take payment for writing this column. It does seem a bit trite to get paid for work. Though, that isn’t how the United States works. If you are a flawless writer who is really good-looking, you get money for both qualities. And for being really smart. That too.
However, you are all leeching off the CEOs of big companies. They are so powerless and receive so little money in exchange for all their work. If there were any justice in this world, the people who do the least work should get no money and the person at the top would get all the money.
But this isn’t a perfect world, and this isn’t what happens. There are very few things people can do to correct this problem, but the first thing is to get rid of all the people who aren’t pulling their weight. Cut the fat.
So in the words of John F. Kennedy, completely butchered, ask not what your country will do for you, but what you can do to make the U.S. unemployment rate skyrocket.