TAMIU, seriously WTF? Tamiu seems to have more of wildlife than student-life on campus.
First off this is college, so there will be DRINKING and where there is drinking there is drunk driving. So, Drunk Driver coming home (dorms) + deer caught in headlights = a fucking accident waiting to happened. Judging by how great TAMIU’s PR Department is (sarcasim), they’re gonna spin it and blame it on the Ah-Ah-Ah-Alcohol. BLASPHEMY! We all know it was fucking Bambi that MURDER and we just can’t have murders run around freely on campus. MY LORD, THINK OF THE CHILDREN. THE CHILDREN.
Now as for the Javelins, they fucking shit everywhere and they have razor sharp tusk to kill you. I don’t think you wanted to die literally a shit-filled-death.
Raccoons can be the darnness things to watch as their organized plans come to fulfillment with their lookout, the lifter, the grease monkey, and the pack-leader and they even have little cute masks. Even thought they’re thieving motherfuckers, that’s not what worries me the most. Raccoons have THE RABIES! Didn’t ya’ll see Quarantine or 28 Days Later? We need to stop the ZOMBIE EPIDEMIC before it gets out of hand. If not we gonna be trapped at the local Wal-Mart as a horde of Zombies try to break in to feast on our BRAINS and TAMIU’s PR is gonna blame it on the Ra-Ra-Ra-Raccoons.
Now last but not least, the SKUNKS! I will go on the record and say I have a personal vendetta against fucking Pepe Le Pew and his kind. Not to long ago, I was viciously victimized by one of those fuzzy bastards but if it weren’t for my cat-like reflexives I would have been a stinker. But what if it was a damsel in distress and I was somewhere else saving another damsel and she lacked my cat-like reflexives. TAMIU would have a campus of stanky-ass hot chicks and no one like stanky-ass hot chicks. MY LORD, THINK OF THE HOT CHICKS. THE HOT CHICKS.
So in the end, TAMIU’s wildlife is cute but deadly ranging from car accidents to unsanitary deaths and Zombie Epidemic to Stanky-ass hot chicks. So seriously TAMIU, WTF?