My Roots

My RootsMy traditional roots can be traced back to February 13, 1982 when I entered this world not knowing what lied ahead of me. At an early age, I can recall my parents giving me basic instructions on life pertaining to minute things: friendship, sharing, kindness, and other qualities that a four year old can grasp. I always questioned things, even if they weren't important or worth discussing. My mother informed me that there are different types of races, color, religion, and other ideological views, and when the time was right, she would explain them to me in a more naturalistic fashion. I would sometimes fulminate because of my erratic impatience for not knowing the untold truth. Therefore, I settled for being Hispanic, Catholic, and Democrat, despite not knowing what they meant but was told by my parents that's who I was and will be until the end of time because that is what living in Laredo, Texas is all about. I was raised in private schools all my childhood up until high school when I made the transition from private to public. I attended church twice a week and learned at an early age that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. Whenever I had a problem or committed such "horrendous" acts like lying or misbehaving at home or school, the teachers and nuns at St. Peter's Memorial School advised us to pray and repent because we didn't want to be left behind on earth when Christ came for the second time. The only way to salvation was by obeying The Ten Commandments. If we followed these principles day in and day out, only then would we be saved and spend the rest of eternity in Heaven under God's reign. Keep in mind, all these things were explained to me in school before I was twelve years old. I never questioned the notion of God's existence because no one dared to question the Bible. These blasphemous thoughts would only lead us straight to the lakes of fire where no man wants to go or even imagine spending the rest of eternity.I remember when I made the transfer from St. Peter's Memorial School to St. Augustine like it was yesterday. The school made it easy for me to adjust because most of my friends and I migrated to this prestigious school as a unit. We all believed in good ethical principles and code of honor in everything that we did. It was indeed a family. The same rules applied to St. Augustine as they did in St. Peter's in the fact that you honor thy neighbor and respect them at all costs. I always thought all people were nice, and there was no such thing as evil deeds created by people. Keep in mind I lived in a strict household where the Ten Commandments were a bedrock of our foundational beliefs. I didn't know what lied on the other side. Did my curiosity flourish? Sure it did, especially when you have parents that tell you not to do certain things because they are against God's teachings.As I made the transition from private to public high school, (J.W. Nixon High) I began to understand what my parents and private schools were trying to instill in me. All of a sudden, I noticed fist fights, teenage pregnancy, abortion, the lack of respect between students and teachers. All of these were strictly forbidden in St. Augustine. If a girl was to be found pregnant, she would automatically face expulsion. The same fate applied to fights. I asked myself, "Why were people acting like animals?" Everyone in St. Augustine was treated equal as far as social status was concerned. In Nixon High, you had to select the nexus that better suited your traits as a human being. It was difficult! You couldn't pick the popular crowd because you wanted to, the elite student governing body had to notice you first, and then make an assumption on whether you were worthy of being in their class. The standards of social class were only a glimpse of what the real world was like outside of school. The experience seemed quixotic in the sense that these were important issues to people who were hell bent in deciding the fate of a poor soul who simply wanted to get through school. As a fifteen year old freshman, I quickly learned the rules of the game. I realized that nothing is what it seems, and the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.I came home one day, and told my mother the things I had witnessed at Nixon. She told me, "Mario, I know it's hard to take in what you are seeing, but that's the real world we live in. I know St. Peter's and St. Augustine was all rosy and peachy, but there is another world out there filled with hatred, violence, and racism. There are two types of smarts: books and street smart. You have the intelligence, and now you need to understand how the world works. If you live in a bubble all your life, the naivety will devour you whole." It was a lot to take in at first but quickly realized that we live in a dog eat dog world, where survival of the fittest is by any means necessary.I remember sitting in Mrs. Gutierrez's Freshman Spanish class and recall how I witnessed what racism was all about. I never encountered it before since Laredo is predominately Latino. I was about fifteen years old when I met a friend by the name of James Flores. James was from Chicago, IL, and realized quickly how he was in the wrong city. I hate to belittle my own hometown, but the fact remains that most of Laredo is racist in the sense that it's a Latino community where outsiders are not welcome. James did not have a chance at all. The smell of that classroom from the books to the desks brings back some painful memories in the sense that all my perceptions of this world were defragmented. Mr. Flores was subjugated and stigmatized because through the lens of a Latino, he struck spasms of fear in the hearts of people who felt threatened by the color of his skin. There was this one incident in which James was minding his own business, and out of nowhere a student by the name of Francisco "Pancho" Ortiz asked James, "What the hell are you looking at you pinche nigger?" When Pancho said the 'N' word, all hell broke loose! The confrontation between James and Pancho felt like I was watching Tyson vs. Holyfield! The whole class erupted with fear and excitement since Nixon was notorious for their share of fist fights. Unfortunately, the end result was turpitudinous because I felt that the principal could have handled the matter in a more diplomatic fashion, but instead accused James of malfeasance like behavior which I thought was a bit extreme. For crying out loud, he's a fifteen year old, and not a public official. Vice Principal Rodriguez believed that James was to blame since in his own warped mind thought he provoked the situation. James did not have a chance, and received (I.S.S.) In School Suspension for two weeks because he threw the first punch. Meanwhile, Pancho received a three day suspension for shouting derogatory remarks. Imagine that, only three days! Where was the fairness in this situation? I asked my mom this question, and she responded, "You will notice that nothing in this life is fair. Nothing is what it seems in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes, you have to pick and choose your battles." I was starting to awaken my new found perception of this world, while the other was slowly dissipating.By the end of freshman year, my internal dialogue was defragmented because I was now known as the class nerd for dressing and acting like one. I had no idea what a nerd was since everyone in private schools had the same intelligence level. Now, this nerd label had a profound impact in my life. I abhorred the label and vehemently fought to remove it. It was impossible! For all my life, I always felt comfortable in my own skin, and was proud of the accomplishments and accolades I received. I had no idea that being smart was like having leprosy! Instead of embracing my own identity, I simply replaced it with a cooler facade in order to please the masses. It was at this point in my life where confusion clouded my judgments and became a different person all for the sake of making people happy. It became a focal point throughout my teenage years. As time passed, I had to excavate myself from the land of confusion and decided to be myself. I was finally happy to embrace my self worth and appeal.I must say that I saw the world in a different lens. I know that this world can be a mean and cruel place, but placing your stamp in today's society is very important. It allows you to be creative and innovative. Expressing yourself and redefining your internal dialogue will guide you to the right path. The one thing that I truly will value is the morals and values my parents, especially my mother instilled in me. Her valuable advice and tenacious spirit will be a beacon in my soul for as long as I shall live.