Love Life: Single-parent upbringing affects children's relationships

Does growing up in a single-parent home create more problems for the parent and child--problems impossible to overcome?According to Thomas J. Sullivan, author of Social Problems, "32 percent of all families with children under 18 years of age are headed by only one parent, mostly by women" (71-72).What problems do these women face?"You can't go to school, work full-time and raise a kid, fully--something has to give," said Alicia Coronado, a Sociology major who has been a single mother for 10 years.It's obvious being a single parent involves sacrifices for the mother or father, but are there more disadvantages than advantages?"A disadvantage is not having enough time to spend with your kid due to school and work; 'Am I neglecting him?' is what I ask myself," said a single mother who chose to remain anonymous.Coronado, who had her son at age 29, believes that when balance is found, parenting can be great."You don't lose anything. Instead, you gain perspective of your life, and I am now seeing life through Andres's [her son's] eyes," added Coronado.While Coronado claims she does not lose anything, I wondered, what does the child lose?Sullivan believes that three factors commonly found in single-parent homes play a role in damaging the child's future. These factors are "low income, inadequate parental guidance and less access to community resources" (Sullivan 72).Coming from a single-parent home myself and looking at this alarming fact, I wondered how I could get to the bottom of this research and remain objective. The only way, I thought, was by interviewing students who came from single-parent homes as well. "Two out of the three factors were present in my home, but I don't feel as if they have affected my growth as a student, son, or person," said a male who would rather remain anonymous.This individual grew up with his mother only. He feels his mother set a great example, thus allowing him to be a productive citizen and a great person, friend, and partner. "I now look for women that have some characteristics like my mother," he added.I was relieved to hear someone who comes from a single-parent home be happy and not part of the awful scenario described by Sullivan.Other students, however, did have concerns regarding their upbringing in a single-parent home."I never noticed the effect of not growing up with a father until recently," said Monica Luna, a senior and English major.Luna believes that not having her father's presence prevented her from having an "ideal" or a "standard" to follow when dating and choosing men."I didn't have an example of a successful relationship, so when I date, I start from scratch," said Luna.Luna's response made me ponder on one question: How much are children affected by not having the parent of the opposite sex by their side?Coronado is careful about which men surround her son, for she knows her son may look up to them."With the absence of a father figure, he [my son] learns from other male role models, so I have to be cautious of who is around him," said Coronado.The anonymous male source that grew up with his mother claims to be fine and is obviously doing well on his own.But what about Luna or myself who didn't grow up with parents of the opposite sex; how do our future relationships with men become affected?After thinking this over, I realized some issues do emerge in our relationships, mainly dealing with trust; however, these can be overcome through a close relationship with the one parent who raises you. Consequently, I disagree somewhat with Sullivan's research. There is one factor that outweighs the others: Having good "parental guidance" is much more imperative than having money or resources.Lack of money brings struggles, but one can still be happy with the help and love of a parent. However, money in abundance does not bring happiness when the parent is not present.I, like Luna, suffered from trust issues with men, but with my mother's help and after encountering the proper relationship, I was able to let my guard down and enjoy love. I believe single-parenting brings different struggles for the parent and child, depending on the circumstances. Sullivan's research is not a rigid fact for everyone; it can vary.Luna, however, looks back and wonders how her life could have turned out differently."I felt lonely, and I turned to reading, but what if instead of reading, it would have been something destuctive?" she said.Fortunately, Luna, the other participants, and myself are in college and doing fine, proving that not every product of a single-parent home has a tragic future.So, for those single parents out there, including Coronado and the other anonymous mother, keep up your hard, dedicating, loving, and passionate work. I am sure being a single-parent is not easy, but through your help, persistence, and parental guidance, you can make a difference.