Love Life: Trust--the path toward happiness

"Men are assholes; they can't be trusted, so keep your guard up," said my sister, Alma, after she became part of this statistic: one out of two marriages end up in a divorce (usatoday.org).

Only 16, I didn't know why her marriage ended. Later, I discovered it was because of infidelity-one of the main causes for divorce.

Other common reasons, according to a survey conducted by divorceform.org, are "poor communication [and] financial problems."

After pondering about these causes, I realized they all share an essential aspect needed in relationships, trust.

According to Tony Schirtzinger, a licensed therapist, nine out of ten people can be trusted, and in his article, "Who Can You Trust," he offers solutions to eliminate peoples' fear of trusting.

For example, he suggests training the brain by using memory: "how often do [others] break their word, [and] if they break their word about a few things but not about most things, trust them only in the areas in which they keep their word."

Bob Grant, a licensed professional counselor, agrees. He believes the key to helping others trust you is by keeping your word.

"Making a promise is meaningless if there is no follow through," said Grant in his essay, "What Do Men Want from Women."

Both Schirtzinger and Grant offer explanations that help people trust or identify trust; however, neither provide examples of when trust has been completely achieved.

Further research, however, gives multiple answers to this question: What signs show we trust our significant other?

In an on-air essay on NPR's Youth Radio, Pendarvis Harshaw gave his opinion of the new era's form of showing trust.

"Sex without condoms is the modern substitute for an engagement ring," said Harshaw.

Harshaw believes ditching condoms, getting tested for STD's and moving to other forms of birth control "shows trust, commitment, and the prospect of a shared future."

Erica Matos, a graduate student, finds the rationale behind Harshaw's argument.

"It [Harshaw's argument] has merit when one considers the trust that goes into believing your partner is clean," said Matos.

Matos, however, believes trust can be shown at other stages of a relationship.

"You know you trust your partner after he tells you he is going out, and you unconsciously move on with your daily activities; it is achieving a sense of security within yourself," said Matos.Cristina Ramirez, a TAMIU alumna and employee for the university, agrees and provides other signs of trust.

"If one shares financial, social network, or email passwords with one's partner, then a level of trust has been achieved," said Ramirez.

Then, with a smirk, she added, "It's better, however, to keep your guard up because there's always a possibility for infidelity, and if one never thinks about it, one can end up devastated or be oblivious to the real status of the relationship."

Matos disagrees with the idea of playing it safe by keeping one's guard up.

"You can't always have a guard up; yes, it might be easier to recover, but you will never fully enjoy the relationship."

Chris Davila, a senior finance major, also believes complete trust can be achieved. He agrees with the signs mentioned by Matos and Ramirez but adds one of his own.

"If you can lend your partner money and trust he or she will pay it back, then you trust," said Davila.

Another student who would rather be anonymous has his own opinion.

"Since trust is a sign of commitment, I believe it is achieved when you take your significant other to meet your parents," said the student.

Trust is definitely a key component of a relationship. It is the deciding factor of how far a relationship will go.

If you worry about your partner's whereabouts for the rest of your life, then you will drive yourself nuts. Trusting your partner gives you a sense of security, serenity, but most importantly, it opens the path to happiness.

Keeping a guard up, even after a bad experience like my sister's, prevents you from opening up and enjoying a relationship, so with that in mind, I would like to sum up the importance of trust with Davila's wise words:

"If you have a guard up, then you don't completely trust your partner, and if you don't trust [him or her], then the relationship is not whole."