Frenemies

The term frenemy, is a mixture of the word friend and enemy. Its definition refers to one person being a rival, being disguised as a friend, or a friend who is often a rival for competing against you for alternate reasons. Most people tend to confuse enemies with frenemies, thinking that rivals are the people they have to watch out for the most, the truth is, it´s sometimes your friends who tend to turn your back at you at times.

Drama tends to happen everywhere, especially among girls. Let´s face it, girls like to gossip, it is said to be part of their nature, a typical stereotype. The problem with gossip is that words get to be turned around when being spread, sometimes, misinterpreting the real message going around. A simple ¨She didn´t feel well, she missed school¨ may end up in these words ¨She didn´t feel like going to school¨, and that is how rumors get spread around. Although your best girlfriend may be your best friend, it takes sometimes a simple misinterpretation or someone else to ruin a very valuable friendship. It most likely has happened to everyone; I know for a fact it has happened to me.

Although we hadn´t be friends for long, I considered her a very close friend of mine. I trusted her with my typical boyfriend and family problems, and she seemed to listen. It wasn´t until a new friend came along that changed everything. This girl seemed friendly and was always there to help, but slowly, she started changing. She was the type that one simple thing she didn´t appreciate about you, and she turned her back and your friends against you. She slowly started by pointing out small details about me and began the ladder by stating how I seemed way too preoccupied with work, school, and relationship that I had no time to enjoy the night life.  It wasn't too long before I was by myself, facing rumors that both girls were spreading about me. I couldn´t believe it, yet it was obvious how both of them seem to exclude me from their activities. The friendship ended. Tonight, I talked to my old friend and was actually with her family. She states that when she became friends with a girl our other ¨friend¨ didn´t like, she stopped communication with her. That is when she realized she was never a friend at all. She poisoned her mind to believe she was, and manipulated her to do things for her.

Although our friendship is not as close, we talked as if we never ended. We both realized that another person shouldn't come in between friendship, and that communication is the key to end rumors. Sometimes, frenemies don´t realize that they are doing wrong. Although, it is well known that a rival, or enemy, is someone who is not liked by your nature and a friend is a companion who is there to help you and share happy moments in your life, there is no real definition to state the purpose of a frenemy. The only way to describe one is by stating that they are both your friend and enemy and tend to sometimes be jealous or not satisfied with what they have. Here are a few ways to spot a frenemy:

She persuades you to do things you are not comfortable with.

She puts you down in a playful, yet hurtful manner.

She talks bad about people and convinces you to follow her steps.

She goes after what you want and tries to obtain it, such as a boy or item.

She participates in conversations or sticks around on negative things being said about you.

She has no respect for you.

Although these are only a few of the ways to spot a frenemy, remember that a friend is there to support you and be able to share laughs with. Although tension may come between friendships once in a while, a true friend will never talk bad about you, even when on a bad spot. If you ever feel that a friend is getting out of line, do not hesitate to call them out, in a nice, positive manner. You could merely just go for lunch and talk about what is going on and what is bothering you in order to fix it. I learned the hard way that when you don´t communicate with the other person about what is bothering you, it build up and adds up to anger, an anger that isn´t necessary.

So remember, appreciate your friends, and respect their opinions. If one friend cannot join you for a hangout because they are swamped almost everyday of the week, respect that and offer help instead of stating a negative vibe. A positive vibe among friendships is key to keep the friendship growing.

For more information, you may contact Judith at Judith@dusty.tamiu.edu