Lifestyle

     Correct me if I'm wrong but we as young adults in our 20s love to have a good time.  Some of us like to dance.  Some of us like to drink.  Most of us like to do drugs.  I've got very quick pointers on passing a drug test with the fancy smancy magic potions.  And in case you are being monitored, this is an even better option.  This is called the "dilution method".

    •       You are going to need to slow down your metabolism.  When we urinate we release fat from our body.  Fat is where THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, is found.  To slow down your metabolism you will need to stop working out 3 days before your scheduled test.

    •       You will need to build new fat to replace the THC ridden one so you will need to eat crappy for those 3 days.  Pretty much eat fast food.  I'm sure most of you won't have a problem there.

    •       Take in lots a creatine.  Lots of red meat!  If your creatinine levels in your urine are too low, the test will show "diluted", which is interpreted as a fail. Taking a creatine supplement will metabolize into creatinine, boosting the level in your urine. There is no upper limit to creatinine on the validity test, only a lower limit.

    •       Take 4 aspirins, found at WalMart for $0.92 (not advil or Tylenol) 12 hours before your scheduled test.  This will mess with the drug test results in your favor.

    •       4 hours before your scheduled test you will need to water load your body.  Drink 48-64 ounces (depending on your weight) of water. Urinate every 15 minutes and replace what you let out with 4-6 ounces of water.

    •       2 hours before your scheduled test take a vitamin b complex, found at GNC about $15.  Buy it, it's worth taking and it will give you energy throughout the day anyway!  This will make your urine yellow instead of clear so there's no suspicion. 

And that's it.  Pretty simple.  Works for any sort of urine drug test.  If you have an in mouth swab test, dissolve 2 altoids in your mouth prior.

Any comments, criticism, rants or death threats, please comment below.

Michael Martinez may be reached at michaelmartinez@dusty.tamiu.edu

Photo courtesy of http://media.lawrence.com